Crying in the rain
by PrehistoricCat
Summary: If I wait for stormy skies, You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes ... A one-shot about Abby.


**Disclaimer: Not mine, no copyright intended. The lyrics are taken from "Crying in the rain" written by Howard Greenfield and Carole King, originally performed by The Everly Brothers, although the version I have been listening to was by A-Ha.**

**A/N: I need to stop listening to angsty music LOL. As always, comments appreciated.**

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><p><em>I'll never let you see<br>The way my broken heart is hurting me  
>I've got my pride and I know how to hide<br>All my sorrow and pain _

Ever since the age of 15, Abby Maitland had never allowed anyone to see her cry. She'd vowed to never let anyone have the satisfaction of knowing they'd hurt her because that's how some people got their kicks.

The bastard that took her innocence without asking her permission had simply laughed when her tears fell down her cheeks; her mother had told her to 'grow up' and 'stop snivelling like a baby, Abigail' and even her friends had dismissed her tears and frustration as being 'the wrong time of the month'. The feeling of helplessness and fear would never happen again.

She'd allowed herself some tears at Stephen's funeral because it was acceptable, and she didn't want to seem like a heartless bitch; but even then she'd held back. Connor had reached for her hand and she rejected it; fearing that once she started she wouldn't be able to stop. She couldn't let Connor penetrate that wall she had spent so long building.

Then when Professor Cutter was murdered, it was so sudden she didn't have time to stop them. Before she knew it, Connor's arms were folded around her and they cried together. She cursed herself afterwards for being so weak, but it was too late; Connor Temple was under her skin and forcing her to examine her life and who she wanted in it.

During their year of enforced exile in the Cretaceous, she was the strong one. A moment of weakness could cost them their lives, and besides, what good would crying do in their situation? They weren't going home and they had to focus on staying alive. She'd eventually managed to drum that into Connor too, although he would never quite let go of the hope that they would eventually find an anomaly.

It wasn't that she never cried; she just found ways to make sure no-one saw or ever found out. In the Cretaceous, she would wait until she was under the waterfall and turned away from Connor before she let out the pent up emotion. The water would wash away her tears as they fell so that they never actually stained her cheeks. On another occasion, she had sat out in the open during a heavy storm and sobbed uncontrollably for several minutes. When Connor came looking for her, she was soaked to the skin, but any trace of tears had vanished in the rivulets of rain water on her face.

_If I wait for stormy skies  
>You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes <em>

And now, she'd been waiting for another similar opportunity to let out all of the hurt she'd been feeling these last couple of weeks. She'd argued with Connor, and not for the first time. Doors slammed, voices raised and hearts broke. If he loved her, then why was he hurting her with his words? Why was he shutting her out of the biggest thing to ever happen to him? He was the one that kept insisting in the Cretaceous that everything would be OK as long as they stayed together.

The rain lashed against her face as she sat on the park bench. Her skin had goosebumps from the cold and her clothes were soaked through, but she didn't care. The floodgates opened and she let out a sound that came from the pit of her stomach. She had ended her relationship with Connor – calmly, maturely and showing no outward sign of emotion. She'd said it was probably for the best and that one of them should move out. Connor left the next morning without a word; his worldly possessions in one bag. Jess put a comforting arm around her shoulder and asked if there was anything she could do. "Yes, there is actually," Abby had replied. "Just leave me alone." She couldn't let Jess see how hurt she really was, and she certainly didn't want it to get back to Connor.

_Raindrops falling from heaven  
>Could never take away my misery<br>But since we're not together  
>I pray for stormy weather<br>To hide these tears I hope you'll never see _

She didn't move for some minutes; it was like her very soul was being cleansed of all the hurt that had built up. She felt the tension ebb from her body and she knew that this was the right thing. As much as she loved Connor, they weren't the same two people that they were when they came home. They were drifting apart because of their conflicting values and it could never work between them; they would constantly be at odds with each other.

It was better this way; for both of them.

_Someday when my crying's done  
>I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun<br>I may be a fool  
>But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain<br>I'll do my crying in the rain _


End file.
